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Over the years, I suspect, I have spent too much time in tents. I have tightened my flaps on the veldt, as lions yawned 20 feet away. I have hurled bottles of shampoo at marauding Indian monkeys. Thanks to an accommodation mix-up as a teenager, I once spent a month living in a two-man tent with three boys, a girl, and a small, flatulent dog. And yet, when I am asked to consider the true horror of camping, it is to Pilton that I always return. The Glastonbury Festival, 2005. Friday morning. The flood.
As you may know, torrential rain on the roof of your tent is a scary, primordially upsetting sound. Imagine it being augmented by the sound of torrential rain on the roofs of 60,000 other tents. We tried shouting. We tried screaming. We tried a selection of hymns. Nothing. More than 100,000 people all packed together, and nobody could even hear us. We were hungry, thirsty, and in need of toilets, and we hadn't yet got around to buying anything that was waterproof. We waited until we could wait no more.
How to make you understand this? I went alone, in trainers, jeans and a jacket. By the time I was standing upright, I was soaked to the skin. The steep path down the hill had become a river. Toilets to my right, half submerged. Below them, unspeakable horror. People wandered aimlessly, under-dressed and staring, probably like after a bomb. The Hunter's welly stall was like a UN feeding station. Forlorn ponchos underfoot. Over-dressed North London mothers, wailing as their expensive three-wheeler off-road prams sank. This was a time for selfishness. Others were in the same boat, but it was hard to care. Unless they were one of those forward-thinking buggers down by the stage, who actually had boats.
Such things have passed into festival folklore, but I was there. I bloody saw it. Awful. Worse than you would believe. But here's the thing. Next time, two years later, I went back.
Glastonbury 2007. Not quite as bad. Merely wet and deeply unpleasant, much like 2004, or the last day of 2003. But in the air, amid the damp, there was a bad vibe. This was new. You could almost see it, rising from heads like steam. “Again? I fell for this again?” Tickets for 2008 go on sale tomorrow. Registrations, apparently, are way down. Can we be surprised? It's been a disaster zone for the best part of half a decade.
With the collapse of the music industry, bands need festivals and through the summer there is almost one every weekend. As our everyday worlds continue to lose any notion of community, it is remarkable how keen we have become to have our fun in groups. Tickets for last year's Glastonbury sold out in two hours. What is suddenly the problem? Is it the line-up, or sludge fatigue?
Of course, if this year's festival is smaller and sun-kissed, that could reinvigorate the legend. And that's the dilemma. What if you aren't there? Well, it's too late for me. I didn't register. And already, I am waking at night. What if it is brilliant? What if there is glorious sunshine and solid, dry turf, and I'm watching on BBC Three, and feeling like the kid who missed the school disco?
Richard Morrison is away
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It IS brilliant, there IS glorious sunshine, there IS solid dry turf and I'm not watching BBC3, I'm here at Glastonbury 2008 - and it IS amazing.
I'm sorry to say you really did miss the disco... :(
Rob, Chelmsford, Essex, UK
My daughter quequed for 5 hours at sun rise in the mud and rain to get out of the festival grounds last year. The organisers failed to appreciate the fact that the festival goers had been up all night unable to sleep in rain sodden tents and there was noone to organise this exit or transport.
alison, salisbury,
Please let this be the begining of the end for the corporate festival!
So many little rich kids thinking ooh isnt this coool being in a tent for a couple of nights, but not knowing how to cope with the slighteset out of order weather.
Mega corporations aligning themselves with the "youth" just so they can seperate them from more of their money.
Bring back the good old days with proper festival bands and people who will enjoy whatever the weather, and no capitalist company telling me how to enjoy myself!
Goodness, how did we ever survive?
Pete, St Albans, England
I've done 13 Glastonbury's now, I'm a great music listener, I love live music, but they don't play my stuff at Glastonbury (apart from having fallen in love with The Killers during 2007), I don't really know who plays, I've always gone for the vibe. Even in 2007 which strangely was worse than previous wet years as the improved drainage had made the mud even more cloying, I still had a great time. I was with great friends, we saw lots of great stuff and took it easy, that's the way to do it. Don't rush around, indulge in your favourite intoxicant and get on with having fun. If you don't like Jay-Z, there's plenty more else to do! :)
Steve, Weybridge, Surrey
I went to Glastonbury last year with the grand (naive?) expectation of it being a festival focusing on environmental issues - with bands playing.
I was roughly shaken out of this daydream the first day I was there. At the Other Stage, early in the morning, one popular singer leaned into the microphone and announced something along the lines of, "I know the focus is on environmental issues, but I think the main problem facing the music industry is mainstream bands."
For me, this encompassed my whole Glastonbury experience.
To say there was "a bad vibe" is a very accurate description. We put out heads together and decided whether or not to go this year. Perhaps most people came up with the same three opinions why not to bother as we did. Firstly, that the line-up doesn't appeal for the amount of money we would be paying. Second, the prospect of more torrential rain. And third, that the legendary spirit of Glastonbury seems to be disappearing. But maybe that's just me.
Rebecca, Lincoln,
So the the mud and poor headline acts have put everyone off this year. In my view thats a good thing. The festival reached its breaking point last year when too many guests were so complacent it affected the whole mood of the festival. If these people stay away it can become a great fesitival again.
Acts like the Killers, Kooks and tabloid pimps acts like Lily Allen, Amy Wino and Pete Doherty attracted a bunch of the wrong crowd, people who complained about the rain, mud and if they got nudged by a wasted hippy while watching The Who.
As for the Jay Z headline act, Jay Z is completely wrong for this festival. "Bling Bling" for the Hippys? The small up and coming acts are the best part of the festival. The famed free festival for the people, has now become a completely different animal. Sort it out Eavis! for your sake I hope he cancels, and why does he deserve a personal introduction? Like all the legendary bands through the years are not as good as Jay Z?
Insult!
Rich, Foggy London Town,
jay-z will put on an outstanding show if he shows up. I personally think its an inspired choice but its beside the point
Glastonbury traditionally never announced its line up before tickets went on sale. As a result people went because it was glastonbury it didn't matter who was on, you went for a good time with your mates not the lineup, you saw new stuff, you met new people, you had a good time. if you want to stand in front of a main stage and tick off 'bands seen' for three days then go to the other festivals.
i personally think the mud has had an impact on sales, other festivals have upped their game and the continental festivals are now 'affordable'. i've done fiberfib at benicassim for five years. its not that much more costly than a UK wknd and its sunny too.
maybe glastonbury isn't the coolest ticket in town this year but quite frankly i don't care, i've got a ticket and i know i'm going to have a great time rain or shine regardless of whose playing
andrew grey, newcastle, Great Britain
It's not the weather that has deterred people itâs because theyâre putting hiphop acts on the main stages attracting the chav brigade. It completely goes again what Glastonbury is and itâs ridiculous in my opinion. Can't imagine the hippies loving Jay-Z. Put decent bands on like last year and the people will follow!
karen, preston,