Caitlin Moran
Over 900 restaurants nationwide. Find your nearest now

Do you know what raises Joanna Lumley above the herd? Apart from, obviously, her textbook poshness, classic swearing, and egret-like opalescence? She has one fag a day. One fag a day. Instead of chonging them down, recklessly, like some thoughtless, deadline beagle, Lumley tabs up a single bifter, and smokes slowly, with Nile-like calm. She has pondered on the best bits of being a smoker - Zeppelin-headrush; a moment of quiet reflection - and realised there's no need for that constant lighting and stubbing. All that addiction. You can just go in for the best bit - leaving all the cough- causing stuff to the more foolish.
It's an intelligent take on being a sybarite - the sort of thing you would expect from someone who looks as if she's made entirely of hand-cream, poetry and champagne.
For her services to thoughtful hedonism, Lumley equals the former President of the United States, Bill Clinton - a man whose many admirable qualities were eclipsed by his seminal pronouncement on chips. After Clinton suddenly lost four stone, he divulged his pivotal secret - Key Chip Eating. He hadn't given up eating chips (as in French fries), he explained. He'd simply narrowed down his chip eating to the first, and then the last - and dispensed with the usual 300 in between.
“The first and the last are the ones you enjoy the most,” Clinton explained, like a potent Newton, giving his first lecture on gravity.
It will be a sad day for fans of these admirable moderation theories, then, when Joanna Lumley: In the Land of the Northern Lights is broadcast. For despite limiting herself to a single cigarette a day, Lumley has found herself unable to limit herself to a single BBC travelogue “fulfilling a childhood dream”. We are now all the poorer as a result.
The dream fulfilment was fine. In 1994, Lumley spent nine days on a tropical island, “being Robinson Crusoe”, as a “fulfilment of an etc, etc”. For that show, she ended up making shoes out of her bra, and cadging cigarettes off the camera crew (but, obviously, only one a day), in a very jolly hour of television.
But in 2008, she's at it again, like an addict - this time, asking the BBC to take her “up the Arctic Circle”, to see the northern lights. Raised in Malaysia, as a young item made of hand-cream, poetry and champagne, Lumley never saw snow, or even frost. “Putting on a cardigan was a huge treat,” she says, with knowing disingenuousness.
So off she goes to see the sugar snowscapes, dinky villages and the quietly booming fjords of Norway; while we, theoretically, enjoy the subsequent feast of cooing posh bird and bonzer cinematography.
The only problem is that, this time around in having her childhood dreams fulfilled during a high-budget BBC travelogue, Joanna Lumley seems to have forgotten how to be Joanna Lumley.
Sure, she turns up at the railway station in a floor-length fake fur, and a battered, 50-year-old suitcase with “LUMLEY” stencilled on the side. And, equally obviously, when she opens the suitcase, the sum total of her preparation for the Arctic Circle appears to consist of an antique Paisley pashmina, a small set of oil paints, and an ancient book-map of Norway, entitled The Vikings.
But from thereon in, the winsomely imperious and silly side of Lumley seems oddly mislaid - perhaps disrupted by its proximity to the Magnetic North. Instead, Lumley transforms into an oddly simpering item - alternately kvetching, orating and flirting until, on occasion, she comes to resemble a slightly demented Bette Davis. The Ice Hotel is too cold - Lumley has to go to bed wearing a hat, which is “the worst thing I've ever done”. She makes sheep's eyes at ancient fishermen, breathing “I can't wait to see your village” at them like Monroe singing Happy Birthday to JFK. And when Lumley finally sees the northern lights - which are, admittedly, about as insane a sight as we'll see until Nasa offers mini-breaks to the Tannhäuser Gate - she turns into Sally Field at the Oscars.
“It feels like it knew how much we wanted to see it,” she sobs, before turning her face up to the sky, and husking “Thank you! Oh, thank you!”
It would have been far better if she'd just lit up a fag, eaten a very tiny chip sandwich, and said, crisply, “How lovely.”
Joanna Lumley: In the Land of the Northern Lights, Sun, BBC One, 9pm
The moment your toes touch the sand and your gaze meets water, you know you’re in the Bahamas
Risk, resilience and embracing new technology
Industry sectors news at a glance. Interactive heatmap, video and podcast
The inside track on current trends in the charity, not for profit and social enterprise sectors
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip

Find tickets for:
Shortcuts to help you find sections and articles
05/2005
£13,500
08/2008
£109,950
2005 / 55
£59,500
Great car insurance deals online
Circa £60,000
The Army Benevolent Fund
London
£28k+ Basic + Commission
Drummond Selection
London
12-15 days a year, c £12K
Springboard
London
£Competitive
American Airlines
Heathrow, London
Great Investment, River Views
One and Two Bed Apartments
Wandsworth Town
Times Online Property Search will help you Find It
like nothing on Earth!
.
Must end 28 Feb 2009!
Save up to 25%
Amazing Far East Offers
Visit Malaysia from £755pp
Great travel insurance deals online
.
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times, or place your advertisement.
Times Online Services: Dating | Jobs | Property Search | Used Cars | Holidays | Births, Marriages, Deaths | Subscriptions
News International associated websites: Globrix Property Search | Property Finder | Milkround
Copyright 2008 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.
A thoroughly enjoyable programme - one of the few worth watching this Christmas. Does anyone know where Joanna got her gorgeous pink hat from?
MPS, Wellington,
This was my television highlight of 2008. It was inspirational in terms of travel and wonderful in terms of entertainment - Joanna is wonderful. Top class and I'm so sorry to miss the second showing by being away, sadly not in Norway.
Lesley cunningham, Chester, UK
Great programme but can anyone tell me where to buy the blue top, pink lining, with thumb loops, 3/4 zipper, Joanna was wearing a lot of the time and especially at the desk when she was drawing. Thanks
CWC, YORK, ENGLAND
I am desperate for this to come out on DVD I want to give it to my sister who also dreamed of doing this trip but sadly never got the chance ,she was so thrilled to watch the programme but had no recorder so I would love to buy it for her
Hilda Perrett, Wetherby, England
Please, please bring this out on DVD - the northern lights bring tears to one's eyes.
VC, Lincoln, UK
please please repeat joanna lumley and the northern lights and let me know when it is to be .
ken brown, east grinstead, england
Caitlin Moran ? I remember her...once a music journo always a music journo. Would that she had a fraction of the class that Joanna lives and breathes.
Steve D, Leeds, UK
One of the highlights of the 2008 television year, please please repeat over Christmas - and tell everyone you know - both children and adults will marvel at our wonderful planet.
Henry Wills, Ballina, Co Mayo , Ireland
How can anyone not have sat in total wonder of the northern lights ,it was very moving .What an amazing planet we live on ,who knows wether i will ever get the chance to see the northern lights but thanks to Joanna and crewe I feel has if I was there with them ,thankyou so much Joanna .
doreen raftery, thornton cleveleys, lancashire
I enjoyed every moment of this programme. What is Caitlin Moran's problem? Her article is totally misleading and just plain wrong. For me and I am sure for others too, her bitter review has made any future articles by her worthless. She owes Joanna Lumley and Times readers an apology.
Yvonne Smith, Brighton, UK
To see this in High Definition was also an experience of a lifetime - in my 50 years of avid television watching I have never seen a programme of such high photographic quality. The essence of a good review is to understand all the elements of "good television" - a point that sadly Caitlin missed.
Ken Windsor, Glasgow, UK
What an amazing programme and I love Lumley for all her knowing humour and warmth with people. The Aurora scene was stunning.
What is Caitlin Moran's issue here? Why so attacking? Shame she couldn't open herself to this programme beyond judging it and making some pretty nasty remarks about JL.
Lee, Brighton,
Anyone who was not moved by this stunning programme must have a heart of stone. I have watched the 'Northern Lights' scene several times over and have cried every time. It is completely awesome, What a stunning world we live in. The beauty of creation is beyond comprehension. Thank you Joanna!
Sandra Lewis, Fareham, UK
I agree, she is delicious, charming and entertaining and she is one of the few people that can get away with indulging in them on TV. I cried as i watched it all and am organising a trip . Best advert for Norwary I've seen. Thank goodness we are not all cynics who have lost the ability to be moved.
Tanya, London, GB
I agree, pathetic review!! Scenery and Joanna were superb!
Sam, London, UK
What a pathetic review- The programme and Joanna were
stunning
K Clarke, Weston,
I loved her NORTHERN LIGHTS documentary - my only gripe is that I hope she paid for it all herself & that her greatest desire to see these lights didn't come out of the BBC's license fee cofferes !!!!!!
She wrote me a lovely tribute to Richard Wattis in 2004, for my book about him.
ian payne, walsall,
But you still won't experience the real thrill of being there and see the Northern Lights, the panorama 360 degrees! But Joanna was really OK! She still is the most sexy woman of Britain all ages included!
Gerard, Brussels,
I am so so grateful I dont read reviews , what sad characters purport to convey to us the program contents . Northern Lights was a truly delightful and believable program . It leaves a lasting impression of excellence and beauty and I dont just mean Joanna .
Frank Pardy , Conwy, Wales
Why the incessant need to be negative? Take this for what it was - a thoroughly entertaining and informative programme presented by an intelligent and highly watchable personality.
It certainly brought a tear to my eye too.
Kath Hextall, Preston, UK
What a sour and thoroughly unpleasant review. Lumley was a delightful guide to the far north and the Northern Lights did indeed bring tears to one's eyes.
I do hope the BBC will repeat the programme.
Vivienne Rendall, Haltwhistle, Northumberland
Let me stay polite and tell you I can't agree with you.
It was a nice surprise to see her this way and to me she's completely acceptable. She hasn't broken down the image of a great comedienne, she has added to it.
It's about how much freedom we allow the other person to be herself.
Laane, Arnhem, The Netherlands