I can't say I've given much thought to Tony Blair's domestic arrangements before, let alone envied him for them, but that's what I found myself doing when I read a column by Cherie Blair in Times 2 the other day.

In it, she recalled that “when Tony returned to the No 10 flat after a long day immersed in the detail of government policy ... he wanted to leave the job behind and relax, to spend time with the children and to talk with me about anything other than politics.”

Exactly! There's a view nowadays that a two-way, post-work chat is an essential element of a healthy relationship. I've spent a morning trawling for articles on the subject, and the only one that didn't suggest it was necessary for men and women to exchange information about everything, up to and including what they got out of the vending machine at 10am and what colour skirt Irene from accounts was wearing when she had her meeting with the HR director, apparently ran in Housekeeping Monthly magazine in 1955, under the headline “The Good Wife's Guide”.

And given that this piece, which has been widely circulated via e-mail, also contains advice to women to “have dinner ready”, “arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes”, “speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice” and “offer to bring his slippers”, and is rumoured by some to be fake, I think we can ignore it.

But I hate that things are this way. I've been single for some time now and there are, of course, many reasons why this is likely to remain the case for some time - not least that I've got a little too used to sleeping in an oxygen chamber - but the main one is that I do not think I could physically withstand being asked “How was your day, dear?” after a day's work.

The question is more irritating than “Where do you see yourself in ten years' time?” and “What star sign are you?” and “Have you got a minute to talk about God?” combined, not only for the reason Blair probably dreaded it - the last thing you want to do before bed is to go over the horrors of the day - but also because most days at work in most jobs for most of us are exactly the same. You sit at a desk in front of a computer, sending and receiving e-mails, occasionally the phone rings, and it's your mother.

Jobs are also essentially the same on a macro-level - a fact that is reflected in the uniformity of job adverts. Whether an employer is looking for a zookeeper or an auditor, they all claim to be searching for a candidate who is “numerate”, “a good communicator” and a “team player” who is “customer-focused” and capable of thinking “strategically” and “creatively”. If those who pay us can't really explain what we do, what hope have we got of conveying that to our spouse every day?

Also, let's face it: the poser of the question isn't actually interested in the content of your reply. “How was your day, dear?” is essentially a rhetorical question, the aim of which is to allow the poser to spout off about their own day.

And if there is one thing more tedious than talking about your working day, more tedious than any episode of EastEnders, or any record made by Alvin Stardust or even listening to your girlfriend talk about her dreams, in fact, it is having to listen to someone wibble on about what happened in the office.

And “listen” really is the operative word here. Because the experience will be about as interactive as having your wisdom teeth removed. One is required to sit there nodding mindlessly, like Alan Yentob in one of his pretentious BBC arts documentaries, uttering phrases such as “how could they?” and “she clearly feels threatened by your talent and beauty” and, under all circumstances, resisting the urge to say “get a grip” or “stop whining” or “shut up and let me watch Motorway Cops in peace”.

To some degree, it all, I suppose, comes down to the difference between the sexes. When you analyse most arguments in heterosexual relationships, they generally boil down to two things: time (i.e. “You don't spend enough time with me, you spend too much time at work, I wish you would see less of your mistress,” etc.) or information (i.e. “You tell me too much”, “You don't tell me enough about what you do”, “Why didn't you tell me about your mistress?” etc).

Men, in general, favour minimal exchange in information, while women favour maximum. Indeed, the very thing that attracts men to long-term relationships - the fact that it finally frees them of the painful requirement to make small talk to women in order to attract them - is the thing that puts women off them.

Show me a British couple watching Motorway Cops on a weekday evening and I'll show you a man thinking (if anything at all) “Mmmm, this is great, not being at work, having to say nothing, police cars, sirens, vroom, vroom” and a woman thinking “God, we used to talk so much, we had this wonderful romantic relationship and now we just dribble in front of the TV, what's happened to us?”

I can see why relationship experts suggest the easiest way of resolving the problem is for men to be less lazy and make an effort to communicate and why one American marriage counsellor even goes as far as saying that you should follow up “How was your day, dear?” with specific questions, such as “Did you meet anyone today?”, “Did you learn anything new today?” and “Did anyone really annoy you today?”

But I just wish it wasn't the case. Why not just come to a mutual understanding, like the Blairs, to talk about something else entirely? That's what I would call a work-life balance.

sathnam@thetimes.co.uk

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