It is unfortunate that in the foothills of the summer holidays, with empty weeks stretching ahead as far as the eye can see, I have been caught on an illicit date with Sexy Domesticated Dad by my husband and two closest friends.

Doubly unfortunate, in fact, because I have to contend with the full weight of their opprobrium without anything truly illicit actually having occurred, and to face up to the fact that Sexy Domesticated Dad doesn’t think we should ever be alone together again. I’ve got to go through all the pain, with very little of the pleasure.

“But if there’s nothing going on, why did you say you were going out with Emma and Cathy, when you were meeting Deep Shallows?” asks Husband on a Short Fuse, not unreasonably, a couple of days after his discovery.

“When I left the house I was fully intending to meet Emma and Cathy,” I explain to him, “but he sent a text asking me to meet him for a drink.”

“So you decided to abandon your friends and meet him in a pub in Kilburn?” asks Husband on a Short Fuse. “How exactly did you explain that to them?”

“I told them that you refused to babysit,” I say a little sheepishly.

“So what did Deep Shallows want to tell you over a drink in the pub that couldn’t wait until you went to the park the following day or be contained in a text message or even a phone call?” asks Husband on a Short Fuse, sounding increasingly exasperated.

“There was a crisis,” I say.

“Don’t tell me,” says Husband on a Short Fuse, holding up his hand. “He got thrown out of his yoghurt knitting classes? His wife discovered that he trims his pubic hair with her nail scissors? Or, shock horror, he finished his book and was looking to you for last-minute advice on Latin American film directors?”

“It’s all very simple,” I ad-lib. “He was meant to be meeting his editor for lunch and it got cancelled and when he got home he discovered that the au pair who was meant to be looking after his children had gone out to visit a friend across the road and left them completely alone. So when she came back and he read the riot act, she told him that she was leaving and when he realised that he faced the rest of the summer holidays without any childcare he tried to backtrack and she delivered an ultimatum…”

“Lucy, as someone who has to look people in the eye on a daily basis and promise that their building project will finish on time and on budget, can I give you a piece of advice?” he asks.

“Of course,” I nod.

“When lying, keep it simple,” he tells me.

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