This weekend marquees have gone up across the country for a succession of great big British bashes. Most of them – whether for birthdays, weddings or significant anniversaries – will be keeping faith with the good old tradition of bubbly, coronation chicken and gilded chairs that sink slowly into the lawn.

However, guests should beware of turning up with lavish presents. Gifts, you see, are very much last year’s thing. “No presents; just your presence,” is the fashionable new way to sign off an invitation: cheesy but direct.

Party hosts, it would seem, just can’t be doing with shiny paper and bows. Maybe they’ve realised they’ve got everything they want and can’t face yet more stuff littering up their tastefully minimalist homes. Maybe they have reservations about the taste of their friends; maybe they’re just aware of the need to be thrifty.Whatever the reason, present bans are now so popular, there’s a website that offers a range of end lines for your invitation – ranging from the saccharine (“Your presence with us on this special day will be our cherished gift”) to the grimly noble (“If you wish to bring something, please make it an item of food that will be donated to the needy”).

Some party hosts encourage guests to pour their money into Great Ormond Street children’s hospital, Christian Aid or an African goat. “Maybe they’re feeling more altruistic these days,” says Carol Richardson of the London wedding shop Confetti, which is dealing with 3,941 weddings this weekend alone. “And many people are marrying later, so they’ve got most of the things they need already.”

Typically, America is ahead of us on “no gift” etiquette. And not just for grown-ups either. Instead of bringing a present, small guests at Junior’s fifth-birthday party are encouraged to give money to a charity of Junior’s choice –fire stations, animal shelters, food distribution charities and neonatal units being the most popular choices.

William Doherty, professor of family studies at Minnesota University, says he’s heard parents bragging about how much their child’s party has raised for charity. “And it doesn’t take long before that’s the new bar to aspire to.”

Indeed, Doherty is so interested in the the no-present phenomenon that he has started the online community www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org. “Parents had started to talk to me about out-of-control birthday parties. The average child in the US has two to four parties every year. They might have a party with their nuclear family, one with their extended family, one with their friends and one at school. I know parents whose kids go to 25 a year. Children are overwhelmed with party junk. One girl got 55 presents for her birthday. So she opened one a day for 55 days.”

In London, Michelle Langdon recently decided on a present embargo for her son Harry’s seventh birthday. “At previous birthdays, we ended up with so many presents, it was overwhelming,” she says. “So we asked people to donate towards the Lego he was saving up for, and gave a limit of £5. I think the parents were grateful.”What about those who insist on being given nothing at all? “I know parents who have no presents for their kids’ parties,” Doherty says. “Just cake, ice cream and lots of games in the park. The kids say it is the most fun they have ever had.”

This summer I’ve received invitations to two parties with the instruction “No presents, please” on the card, including one from my parents, who are celebrating their 50th anniversary with more than 100 friends and relatives.

“We just don’t want presents,” my mother says firmly. Why not, I ask. What could be nicer? She won’t be moved. “If someone brings one, obviously I wouldn’t dream of being churlish and rejecting it. But the thought of getting 50 to 100 presents . . . We have more than enough in this house.”

Alison Wren, who runs the Wedding Crafter bridal stationery shop in Malton, North Yorkshire, is becoming increasingly familiar with the “it’s your presence, not yourpresents” add-on. She even tried to enforce a present ban on her own big day. It failed.

“People felt uncomfortable coming to a wedding without a present. In the end I think only one person turned up without anything.”

And what if “no presents” is code for “we don’t really mean it”? I happen to know that my aunt has bought a rose bush for my mother and father, and I suspect many of the other guests will bring a gift. “I wanted to give them something,” says my aunt, who was chief bridesmaid on the great day in 1958. “It’s such a special occasion, I felt it should be marked by some little effort. I found this rose called Golden Celebration, and I couldn’t resist. Sometimes you feel happier giving.”

Mercifully there is help for this modern conundrum. “We have a position on this,” says Jo Bryant of Debrett’s etiquette guides. “We think it depends on how well you know the people having the party. If you don’t know them very well, don’t bring a present. If you are incredibly close to them, a small gesture would be nice.”

Okay, Mum and Dad. How about 50 chocolate pennies? Wrapped in gold foil, of course.

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