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From Times Online

September 29, 2008

20 holidays you should never take

By the author of Sod That! - 103 Things Not To Do Before You Die

Sam Jordison

A 'To Do' lists turn a holiday into a job of work.

They prevent us from relaxing and actually enjoying ourselves, implying instead that if we don't tick off any number of must-sees and must-dos we are weaker beings, wasting our time on earth and most definitely having far less fun than everyone else.

Yet in reality, the majority of the destinations we are told to see and activities we are told to complete before we die are either, dangerous, dull, absurd or a combination of the three. You don’t need to feel spiritually inferior just because you haven’t gone to all the money and effort of getting to, say, Easter Island. Rampant consumer tourism isn’t a moral absolute. But it is bad for the environment.

This anti-list is an attempt to wrest the high ground back from all the other list-makers. It's a rallying cry for common sense and dignified indolence over hectic, wasteful and morally dubious over-activity and a fitting riposte to anyone trying to tell you that you haven't lived if you haven't done X number of ridiculous activities.

Sometimes staying at home is the best thing to do with your time, and here's proof.

VISIT FLORENCE

Admittedly this ornate Italian city worked hard to earn its reputation as the cradle and heart of the Renaissance, but that was also the time Florence was last interesting. The brightly decorated shell of the city remains, but any authentic talent has long since fled to be replaced by a certain type of too-wealthy American on sabbatical from squashing heads on the college football field or impatient to ‘do the Uffizi’ while storming round ‘Yurp’ in a frenzy of shopping, ‘culture’ and complaints about the prices of hotel rooms. It is, consequently, also just about the only place in Italy where you can buy bad coffee.

Times Online: last week we published Veronica Schmidt's treatise Why do people rave about Florence? - we had 74 comments, split right down the middle

CLIMB EVEREST

Mallory claimed he wanted to climb Everest because "it's there." The M4 is "there" too, but you can't collect sponsorship money for running across that - athough such an act demonstrates about the same level of common sense. More than 200 people have died attempting the ascent of Everest. Conditions are so difficult that most bodies are left where they fall. Frozen corpses line the major routes up – alongside all manner of medical waste - as ghoulish reminders to other climbers of just how foolish they are. Sold as the pinnacle of adventure tourism, the mountain has actually become the world's highest junkyard.

GO TO WATCH A FORMULA 1 RACE IN MONACO

The disgusting smell of petrol will hang in the air. You won't be able to make out what’s happening on the track. Your ears will hurt. A man in a Ferrari fleece will force you to engage in a conversation about gearboxes. Then you'll lose all your money in the casino. A fitting punishment for taking part in an activity that Jeremy Clarkson approves of.

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Sam Jordison is hilarious I fell off my chair laughing..which I haven't done since I first saw Blazing Saddles !
So now I have to order his book which I hope is poss as I am in Canada...and it is for my brother in the U.K. daft or what ?
My bro will really appreciate it ..he travelled all over .

Bailey Gloria, Powell River B.C., Canada

The whispering gallery in St. Pauls is one of the delights of London. Myself and my friend were able to clearly hear each other, it was amazing. Maybe we were there on an esp. quiet day... the views over London from the top were stunning too. Wherever you travel, essential to take an open mind...

Anne, London,

You should add 'Take a UK beach Holiday' to the list. The beach will be deserted as invariably it will be cold, windy and pouring with rain. You will spend most of the day huddled up in inappropriate clothes in a dated greasy spoon cafe, trying to dry off, and keep warm wishing you'd gone to Spain

Richard, Bexhill, UK

Yes Correct on just about all counts, been to Florence twice never again, wasn't stupid enough to do the gondola ride in Venice, view is far better in the waterbus.

Could not think of anything worst than a Grand Prix anywhere at all.

Fred, Perth, Australia

Easter Island is one of the worlds most amazing, mysterious & interesting places. And its remote location keeps it that way. It's actually in a very handy stopover location should you be flying from South America to New Zealand....

paul brown, manchester, england

Much of medieval Florence was pulled down in the 19th C (perhaps not entirely a bad thing) and the best of the city is indoors in the galleries and museums. Try Ferrara.

Maeve, Dublin,

I can see why some places in Spain would appear on this list but Las Rambles? Pickpockets are everywhere and not all tourists are stupid enough to fall victim to them. The street was marvelous but I agree that the shear number of Brits does ruin it a little.

Tom Swade, Manchester,

I would generalise a bit more and say "Spain".

Nils, Vancouver, Canada

If your chance pin or dart lands in the middle of the Atlantic, I would recommend taking that as a hint to visit the Azores. There are now direct flights from Britain to San Miguel, the largest island, and frequent inter-island flights. Each island is different from the others and proud of it.

Sheona Hutcheson, Chesham,

Just because we don't know for sure what Stonehenge was built for doesn't mean it's not worth visiting!

I used to love going to the summer solstice at Stonehenge but lately it's become too popular and full of people just there for a party. I'd recommend Avebury instead now.

Edd Bullen, Melbourne, Australia

You are wrong about Barcelona. I lived there for 7 years, it is one of the most joyous, attractive cities I know. Reading your article makes it clear that the reason for avoiding it are the drunken Brits. I lived in Nottingham for 15 years - I can assure you, Barcelona is far less dangerous.

S.C. Huldig, London,

Parachuting.
Spent a weekend doing my beginners course. Had a party in the local pub on the saturday night (for tomorrow we die). Did the solo jump on the sunday afternoon. Would recommend it to everyone who ever thought about a jump. Tandem jumps are for the terminally lazy/wusses!

Geo, Glasgow,

Depressing how many of these holiday mistakes I've made myself. Spot on, though, and will save me from future follies. Keep it coming, Mr Jordison!

Patrick, London,

My two bits. Stonehenge...a building site in Barnsley would be more interesting

Fernie, Dubai, UK

It is a pity that all these adventures have not been properly enjoyed.

Itxaso, Gernika, The Basque Country, Spain

I think it says a lot that we feel we need to travel hundreds, possibly thousands, of miles to 'relax'. Why are our lives so dreadful that we 'need to get away' at least twice a year?

P.S. I am very much looking forward to my next holiday in Oregon, USA.

Fay, London,

I went to the Monaco Grand Prix this year and it was one of the best four days i have ever had, the excitement of the international crowd, the surroundings you are in make it one of the best places to be even if you don't like motor racing!

Guy, London, UK

I quite agree about dirt boarding. Sounds filthy. You should never go to blackpool either. Unless you like bathing in filth.

Sam Johnston, St Albans,

LOL Sam you are funny!
I've been to 34 countries so far and I've done the most "famous" things to do in most of them.
It often feels artificial, but I can't help it being so much fun, even if I know it's ridiculous, like you brilliantly point out. Is it our society making us like all this?

Alex, Birmingham, UK

If you use travel agents, which I have not done (entirely satisfactorily) for many years. Never accept a holiday in a place which they claim is similar or even identical to your (unavailable) favourite haunt. I fell for this some years ago and ended up in a place similar or identical to Baghdad.

keith, Beziers, France

We were enjoying our gondola tour in Venice. My friend, who was looking lovely with her curled long hair and flowered girly dress was at the end of the gondola on velvet cushions. We went near to one of the buildings and suddenly a lot of dirty water shot out of a spout all over her. She was soaked

Alison Parr, St Helens, Lancashire

I'm happy to say that I've never done any of these tours nor am I likely to. Oh I did visit Koh Samui once but that was 20 years ago before the onslaught of the crowds--does that count?

Steve, Kanchanaburi, Thailand